All for Nothing

I feel like Im about to write a ponderous sentence that encompasses the meaning of life. But when I actually place my fingers on the keyboard, I find I didnt have anything to say after all. Maybe that is what life is all about. Nothing.
Wanting to do something and then finding out that it wasnt what you wanted after all...hoping for somehting to happen and then realizing that it wasnt like you'd thought it would be. Am I making any sense? Hmm...maybe this is what life is all about. Wanting what you really dont want. A permanent state of confusion. Chaos that permeates everything that we do without our knowing and recognizing it as chaos. A sly anarchy that shows itself only after the deed is done.
Am I being deliberately obtuse? No, this is the chaos speaking.
I have spent most of my life in this state of semi-consciousness interspersed with tiny moments of clarity, that I remember as glimmers of light in the darkness. Yes, yes, I know. You think Im trying to be all philosophical and poetic, but guess what, even that is chaos. A kind of beautiful chaos which in some weird way makes sense. I envy those with a purpose in life...they are driven, they KNOW what they want. Why cant I be like them? Instead of being in a perpetual state of not knowing...blankness? But maybe I need to be this way. Maybe this confusion is actually my clarity. My purpose.

I might actually have propounded a new theory here :)